


Lie to me.

by nightcourtcass



Category: The Folk of the Air - Holly Black
Genre: F/M, just some piece of hate/love/fluff/whatever you wanna call i, so do not read if you haven't read TWK yet, takes place after the wicked king, twk spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 10:05:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17486114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightcourtcass/pseuds/nightcourtcass
Summary: My fingers grip into his shirt, bottoms slightly amiss as if he didn’t even think about it while throwing it over. I feel as if I am burning, drowning and flying at the same time. “Cardan.““Lie to me,” he murmurs, quietly enough that I can barely hear him. “Lie to me and tell me you love me.”I shake my head. “I can’t.”_______Or in which Cardan decides to visit Jude in the human world months after he banned her from Fairie. Jude wants to hate him, throw her fist into his face and somehow wants something totally different as well.





	Lie to me.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovelies,  
> After finishing The Wicked King, I still cannot properly deal with the mind shocking ending which is why I had to write this piece. It takes plays several months after The Wicked King's ending so DON'T READ IT WHEN YOU HAVEN'T READ WICKED KING YET. Read the real book first, because to be honest it is so amazing that nothing can compare to it.

**Lie to me.**

 

A hard knock on wood destroys my sleep in the most dangerous way. I don’t make an effort to get off the couch, pretending that my life is going great. That is my latest hobby, apparently.

Pretending to be somewhere else has never been this easy before.

Not when I can roll around in bed while watching my favourite cartoons and eating ice cream without anyone telling me that I have to stop.

Not when I can close my eyes, the smell of bubble gum and chocolate cake in my noise, the constant reminders that I am truly back in the human world. A world which is mine and at the same time not. Not truly, when I still don’t really understand how college enrolment takes place or how long it is appropriate to stare at someone jogging in trainers. I thought that the human world was part of me but through the course of the last months it turned out that I don’t really belong to it anymore.

Truth to be told, I do not belong to any world anymore. And it makes me feel so alone that I cry myself to sleep every night.

Pretending to be somewhere else has never been this hard before.

Not when I hear his words over and over again, every time that I am consumed by the quietness of my new home. He tells me that he hates me in my dreams, that he wants me and I cannot say anything back.

Not when I cannot close my eyes without seeing him in front of me. Part of me hopes that I will eventually forget his features, forget how his eyebrow slightly wanders upwards when he is curious about something, forget the tugging smile at his lips when he thought that I wouldn’t see him, forget his dark eyes piercing into mine, the constant promise of danger, cruelty and something else that I still cannot put into words yet.

A second knock rattles through the living room which is way bigger than it should be, considering that there are just for of us living in this house. My sister Vivienne, our little brother Oak and my sister’s girlfriend Heather who has come into terms with the fact that nothing is normal in our lives. There used to be another sister, Taryn, but I haven’t heard of her, not since she decided to betray us. I don’t know if I even want to hear from her, considering that she doesn’t exist in this pretend world of mine where everything is going great.

“There is someone at the door,” I scream as the knocking destroys every chance of mine to crawl back into my newly made reality.  

When no one answers, I realize that I am the only one left in the house. Heather is working at the bakery while Vivi is on her way to pick up Oak from school. They probably will all be gone for a while, considering that my older sister cannot say no to any of the little prince’s request and he is very keen to do cart racing after school. Yesterday it had been my turn to challenge him at the racing track and I had been totally overwhelmed with the pedals, another realization that I am not made for the human world.

The knocking turns into a storm, fists willingly bashing into the wooden door as if they want to fight it.

Sighing I get up from the couch and make my way through the way too large hallway. The wooden floor feels familiar, one of the only constant attributes that can be found not only in Fairie but also in the human world. In the hours that I miss my old life, I walk through the house, again and again, eyes closed, barefoot to be able to feel the wood under my feet.

“Human use doorbells,” I groan as I rip the door open just to be met with a pair of dark eyes that haunt me every night in my dreams.

Cardan presses air out of his lungs. “I am not human.”

I expected to be angry if I would ever see his face again. I thought I would be furious, holding onto the desire to hit him in the gut as I have imagined so many times. I expected to draw my sword, pressing it against his throat, hopefully seeing his eyes widen in horror.

But I don’t feel angry while I let my eyes run over him. I don’t feel anything at all. And somehow, that is even worse.

“What are you doing here?” I ask. Suddenly I feel so out of place, with the pink woollen socks and the pyjama that has a someone named Princess Elsa printed on it, some kind of cartoon that Oak is addicted to at the moment. I have promised my brother to watch it with him but I didn’t yet.

Not when all I can do is to sit quietly on the sofa and mourn a life that could have been mine while it feels like Cardans eyes are watching me all the time. The eyes of the boy who fooled me to marry him just so that I could be humiliated in the cruellest way possible. He stole my home and even worse, part of me is quite sure that he stole my heart as well.

“What are you doing here, husband?” I ask again, hoping that he can hear the mockery behind the words. I am not sure if he can, considering that fairies never really had to learn to understand it.

“I needed to see you.”

I snort. “Well, you saw me. That means you can go know.”

When I try to close the door, hammer it right into his face, he is fast enough to stop me from it. Part of me is impressed against my will because the last time that I saw him he would have never been able to overcome me in speed. I have been training all my life while he never took his lessons seriously. Either he has been practising a lot or I have been getting out of form. Probably the latter because I cannot even remember when I last touched a weapon. I didn’t see any sense behind it, not when my skills wouldn’t get me anywhere in the human world. Not here, where Cardan banned me by force.

“Jude, dear,” he says slowly and I hate myself for the way my heart beats just a bit faster.

“Don’t you dare to call me that.”

His mouth twitches a bit, not really noticeable when you don’t know him well. But I do or at least I thought I did. I trusted him against my fears and he betrayed me.

“I think it is time that we talk to each other,” Cardan says.

My mind runs in circles, considering so many things that I want to throw at his head, words soaked with betrayal and hate. I don’t say any of them, spitting out words instead that I wanted him to hear since he sent me away. I need him to hear it, need to be sure that I don’t go crazy.

“You pretended to marry me.” My voice sounds toneless, sucked off of any emotions running through my body.

He slowly raises his fingers into the air as if he wants to touch me. Before I can contemplate if I am going to hit him in the face or kick into his belly if he tries, he lets his hand fall down again. “I didn’t pretend. I married you.”

_Marry me. Become Queen of Elfhame. If you agree, I will marry you tonight. Now, even, right here._

The memory hurts, every word hitting into my stomach, burying a knife in my heart, over and over again.

“You married me,” I repeat and suck in a breath of hate. “And then you betrayed me.  You married me to get rid of me.”

“I did not, Jude. I didn’t marry you to get rid of you.”

The words spill out of my mouths, being locked up too long. “Yes, you did. You tricked me into marrying you, into getting you out of the bargain. You betrayed me so you could throw me out of Fairie.”

“I did not betray you so I could get rid of you,” Cardan says slowly as if the words are tasting bitter on his lips.

With a shake of my head, I lean against the open door, the only things separating the flat from the outside world where my personal nightmare awaits me with dark eyes, hard cheekbones and hair that felt so soft between my fingers the last time that I touched it. Now I wish that I burned it down. “I don’t believe you.”

“I cannot lie,” Cardan says, his mouth twitching upwards in amusement. I wish that I could hit him right now. “Remember?”

As if I could ever stop remembering it. I remember everything about Fairie. The cruel way of their being, their plays and intrigues and enjoyment in seeing me suffer. I will never ever get rid of the memories and I don’t want to either. Not when they remind me why I hate his world. And maybe him.

“You can twist the truth.”

“But I am not doing it right now. I swear.” Cardan comes a step closer, still letting enough space between us that I can see the lights dancing in his eyes. He is so otherworldly beautiful that it hurts to look at him.

“Then why did you do it?” I ask, part of me being curious about his explanation. I tried to figure out his reasons for months, tried to understand if he really hated me that much and even though he really isn’t the person I should trust, this is the only chance I get to get an explanation of any kind.

“I needed to establish power. A king can just rule if the Folk’s belief in the crown is strong.” Cardan inhales loudly and for the first time since he appeared at the doorstep, he stops looking at me. “Also, I wanted to keep you safe. Because I cannot even bear the thought of something happening at you. So I wanted you gone until I gained enough power to be able to protect you. Even if it nearly killed me every minute that I was apart of you.”

I stare at him while words rush through my ears.

_I hate you, I hate you, I hate you._

_Marry me._

_Most of all, I hate you because I think of you._

“If that was your attempt to keep me safe, then you failed miserably,” I countered, still not sure what to make out of his words.

He grins slightly. “I see you breathing and alive, so I definitely didn’t fail.”

“I can keep myself safe.” It is the first time today that I really scream at him and I feel good when I see that he startles. It makes me gain back a bit of the power that he robbed of me. “I was safe and I was queen. I know how the power play works and I could have managed it. Hell, we could have played it together, being vicious while crushing everyone. But instead you banned me, betrayed me and I have been stuck in this world where I don’t belong to anymore for months.”

“You could have come back,” Cardan rages, his eyes burning like eyes. “I expected you to come back. I wished for it every day and you didn’t.”

I stare at him, not quite sure what to make out of his words. “You banned me,” I finally remind him, the words playing over and over in my thoughts.

_I exile Jude Duarte to the mortal world. Until and unless she is pardoned by the crown, let her not step one foot in Fairie or forfeit her life._

Betrayal never tasted so bitter on my lips before. Not when I had finally thought that maybe we had a chance together.

“I exile Jude Duarte to the mortal world. Until and unless she is pardoned by the crown, let her not step one foot in Fairie or forfeit her life,” Cardan speaks the world flying through my head, as in attempt to cruelly bore them even further into my mind. “Don’t you understand them?”

“I understand damn well,” I mutter.

„No, I don’t think you do. I left a loophole in there. I thought you would see it.” He looks at me expectantly as if he really thought I would be pleased with him. “You can be pardoned by the crown.”

It feels like being in school all over again while he and his cruel friends had nothing better to do than to make sure that my life was as miserable as possible.

“Are you going to mock me all day long, Cardan? What do I have to do for you to finally disappear?”

I look into his eyes and wish that I could hate him. But all I can hate is that I really cannot hate him at all. Not even after all that he has done.

“You married me, Jude. You are my Queen,” he whispers and I am not sure if I have ever heard his voice so soft. So vulnerable. “You are my Queen, therefore you are the crown. You could have come back every day.”

I stare at him, still not sure if this is another one of his cruel games. “Why the fuck didn’t you just tell me? Why play these sick mind games?”

He chuckles. “Why the fuck?”

“Human saying” I glare, not really in the mood for teasing. “I had a lot of time to get accommodated to them.  You know, after you banned me from my home without fucking telling me that you just did it for show. If I even believe that. Why didn’t you just tell me about your plan?”

“As if you ever told me about your plans,” he counters.

This time my fist really flies in the direction of his face, but before I can properly hit him, he catches it with his hand. Suddenly, I am pressed against his body, overly aware of every bit that touches him.

“Forgive me, dear Jude, “ he whispers against my ear, sending creeps over every inch of my skin. “Please forgive me?”

All I can do is stare at him, too stunned to even form proper words in my head. His eyes muster mine with longing, piercing into mine as if I am everything that he dreams of. His hair is slightly ruffled as if I am not the only one having troubles to fall asleep at night, haunted by want for a person one should rather not have.

“I am not sure If I can forgive you,” I murmur eventually, still pressed against his body.

His hands slowly reach behind me, pulling me tighter to him, fingers running over my back, my spine, until the halt at my hip, caressing the bit of naked skin between my sweatshirt and pyjama bottom. I shiver but not of cold.

“Do you think you could try, Jude? Do you think that you could forgive me? Preferably in the next hour?”

Suddenly, he looks so young, younger than I ever thought he could. I so often forget that while he is immortal he currently isn’t much older than me. Both of us bearing way too much on our shoulders already, fighting against a world that is everything but kind to us.

“Yes.”

He bites his lip while he looks into my eyes. “You know It is slightly unsettling to know that this can be a lie.”

“Well that is what I do, isn’t it?” I chuckle. “That‘s what humans do. That‘s why you hate us. Tell me that you hate me, Cardan.”

His fingertips press harder against my skin, probably leaving marks and still I won’t protest, enjoying every touch while still hating it all the same.

“I –“

No words fly over his lips, the quietness winning for once.

“I can’t lie,” he finally says.

I grin. „Yeah, we already established that. Fae and all.“

His fingers draw circles over my skin, slightly lifting my shirt. He looks at me with longing but does not move further. All he does is stare at me while I slowly lift my finger over his. When I touch him a sharp breath comes out of his mouth.

“I hate you,” he murmurs, pressing his face against my neck. I burn under his touch. „I hate that I still cannot stop thinking about you. I want you, Jude Duarte. I want you more than anything in the world. I want to love you and argue with you and hold you in my arms while you pretend to sleep. I want every part of you.”

My fingers grip into his shirt, bottoms slightly amiss as if he didn’t even think about it while throwing it over. I feel as if I am burning, drowning and flying at the same time. “Cardan.“

“Lie to me,” he murmurs, quietly enough that I can barely hear him. “Lie to me and tell me you love me.”

I shake my head. “I can’t.”

I can’t tell you that I hate you

I can’t lie to you that I love you.

I can’t because it would be everything but a lie.

“Please, Jude. I just need to hear it ones before these feelings suffocate me.”

My fingers grip harder into his shirt. He doesn’t move, just looks at me as if I was everything that he wants in life. He doesn’t hide it anymore, he lets the emotions shimmer in his eyes. And while I take a deep breath, I decide that I will jump as well. Maybe we will be able to fly without falling, as long as we hold each other closely enough.

“I love you, Cardan.”

His eyes glisten mischievously and in the next moment, his lips are pressed against mine. The kiss feels like longing, like finally breathing while the world suffocates us. It is rushed and at the same time, it isn’t at all. As if we have all the time of the world. The kiss tastes sweet and wonderful, making my heart explode in my chest.

Carefully, his hands glide over my back, caressing my skin, while Cardan gives me kiss after kiss until we cannot breathe anymore. When we finally part, I laugh breathlessly.

“Was it like you imagined it in your dreams?” I ask him, his arms still holding me tightly.

“No.”

Curiously, I caress his chin until he looks me in the eye. “Care to elaborate?”

“No,” he says again.

“Why? Because it was better than in your dreams?” I tease him.

It is the first time that I see a flush of red running through his head. Until now I always thought that blushing was something that he wasn’t capable of. But now his burning cheeks prove me wrong and I cannot stop grinning.

“It was better than in your dreams,” I laugh.

He presses his lips against my neck. “I dreamt of strangling you, Jude.”

I believe him because I strangled him more than once in my dreams as well. I probably will wish for it in the future again at some point. Cardan and I are everything but easy. We are explosive and one of us will go off eventually, but that doesn’t mean that one cannot start again after the bomb is emptied. And right now we are finally aligned.

“Did you dream of strangling me before or after you dreamt of kissing me?” I wonder.

He grins, cheeks still faintly red and I have never seen anything as beautiful in my life. “It doesn’t matter, does it, dear Jude?”

“I have every right in the world to still hate you. You know that, don’t you?” I ask.

“I know.” He loosens his arms, looking at me wearingly, giving me the choice of dissolving our hug. For a moment I contemplate it, imagine letting go of him, but I leave my arms around his body, holding him close while looking into his eyes.

“But I don’t,” I admit.

“You don’t?”

“I don’t hate you, Cardan,” I say. „No lie this time.“

He smiles and for a moment I am astonished. I thought I had seen him smile before, but I guess I don’t. I never saw him smile this openly, this happily, without any care in the world.

“I love you, Jude Duarte.”

I stare at him. “Say it again?”

“I love you, Jude.” His finger caresses my cheek, so carefully that it feels just like a whisper of wind touching my skin. “I wanted you for ages even when I hated you and I wanted you even more after that. I love you. And I want you to be my Queen. So please come back to Fairie with me. Not only because of power play or scheming and intrigues and because I need you at Court. But because I want you at my side. All the time.”

Air rushes through my lunges while I cannot do anything but stare at him. I think of all the things he told me before, of all the hateful words and sentences felt with love and disgust. I think about Fairie, about all the cruel plays and the crown that he left at his world. I think about the human realm, about this flat. I could probably learn to really live as a human again. I could learn to drive a car and how to apply to college. I could be happy in the human world if I wanted to. But the truth is that I don’t.

I want Fairie, I want power and more than anything I want Cardan.

“I’ll be your queen. I will come back at you,” I say to the boy still holding me in his arms. “I love you.”

He laughs lightly. „No lie?“

„I love you,“ I whisper into his ear. “No lie. Never again.”

Cardan kisses me, his lips tasting like forever and I am sure that I will never have to lie again.

 

 

 

 


End file.
